Mark Stoller moved to Falcon in 2007.†He and his wife, Andra, both U.S. Air Force veterans, enjoy life with their daughters, extended family and adopted rescue dogs in Latigo. Mark savors the privilege of his wife and daughters being his muse for topics, people to meet and places to investigate.
Itís August and you know what that means ó itís time for the kids to go back to school.This could be a huge relief for some parents (of little monsters) or this could be a melancholy time. I fall into the latter category as we prepare to take Ava to college.According to all the available research and studies, I should celebrate this time for Ava to leave the nest and go on to greater things. Yeah, us! We raised a successful and motivated young lady.In my humble opinion, all three of our daughters are incredible and complete bad asses in their own right ó yet three incredibly different young ladies.Avaís genetics lean more towards my side. For example, we are huggers ó good morning, goodbye and goodnight. We wave from the door as the car backs down the driveway. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. We belly laugh at sophomoric, slap-stick comedy movies. Even when she goes off to college, those traits wonít change.I found an interesting way to look at her departure that will ease the realization of her growing up and adulting.From Psychology Today, Joseph Campbell tells us mythology and rite supply the symbols that carry the human spirit forward. Every college student is a hero. ìThe standard path of the mythological adventure of the hero is presented by separation-initiation-return.î The hero leaves the familiar (separation), ventures into the unknown (initiation) and returns victorious (return).This myth crosses culture and time. Your child will leave home and community, seek danger and adventure and return an adult. It is the hero myth. It is initiation into adulthood.Psychologist Janis Leslie Evans focuses on the parent acknowledgement of parallel transition. According to Evansí musings, Iím going to be a parent my whole life, but my role and identity is going to change from rule maker and protector to that of a friend who is always available for consultation and support.Evans offers the following advice to parents sending their children off to college:
- Set boundaries for yourself; practice giving your child space to grow.
- Give your child a chance to master tasks alone and learn from mistakes.
- Trust that the values you’ve instilled will inform their decisions.
- Acknowledge that you’ve done your best as a parent and that the hands-on phase of parenting does come to an end.
- As your child matures, build a new relationship with them that is less about dependency and more about mutual respect, admiration and a celebration of a budding, capable young adult.
