1776: “Give me liberty or give me death.” – Patrick Henry2009: “Give me, give me, give me.” – The American PublicJuly 4, 2076“The People’s Internet” is abuzz with old legends on what would have been the 300th anniversary of the founding of the United States. As a member of the “World-Wide Council,” I feel it is my duty to warn you these stories are merely folk tales, told by those who refuse to believe what sensible people know to be true. Do not be taken in by stories about a nation that once produced innovative ideas and products, or idealistic memories of the “rights of the individual.” For all of these personal “rights” were intrinsically linked with personal “responsibilities” that no individual should ever have to bear.Freedom, as we all now know, was indeed the greatest threat to world security.For those of you who don’t remember the history of the United States, I will enlighten you. The country was formed in 1776 by an elitist group of white males. They called their government a Republic, and drafted a constitution granting to individuals privileges formerly only held by kings and queens. Deluded men, such as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and their compatriots claimed these rights could only flourish under a free enterprise system known as capitalism.They spoke of self-reliance and believed in the ownership of private property and the rights and responsibilities of the individual. The Founding Fathers, as the above named men were called, cannot be totally blamed for their actions. They were heavily influenced by the writings of those who came before them. One such man, Adam Smith, a Scottish philosopher and social malcontent, preached “that state and personal efforts to promote social good are ineffectual compared to unbridled market forces.”While the “Constitution” has been purged from the Internet because it dangerously incites people to think for themselves, the WWC is allowing me to list a small portion of it so the masses might understand the naive nature of its creators. Below is the First Amendment to that document.”Congress (their lawmakers) shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”Now compare that nonsense to the first three laws of the WWC. 1) “There is but one master, the state.” 2) “Individuals have no rights other than to share the bounty of earth with all of humanity.” 3) “The only role of the press is to convey state information to the public.”Imagine living in a world where everyone was free to speak their mind. This “right” only encouraged arguments among people that led to hurt feelings; and, in the worst-case scenario, bodily harm. As for the rights of the press, we all know the press was responsible for the bloodshed that occurred before world unification. But one more “right” was even more reprehensible than a free press. It states: “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.”For more than 237 years, misguided people in the United States interpreted this statement to mean individuals had the right to own guns. Thankfully by 2013, the last president of the United States convinced most citizens that world security would never be possible so long as individuals owned weapons. Humanity owes a debt of gratitude to him, because there is no place for an armed population in a secure world.Please don’t get me wrong. By 1776, it was time for monarchies to be replaced. But instead of exchanging royal rule for a nation where all wealth is shared, these imprudent men set up a form of government that allowed people to fail. Individuals were expected to care for themselves and their families without the aid of government. How any rational human could expect such a cruel form of government to function is beyond comprehension today.It was the “Triple Hit,” as historians now call it, which finally made people realize the importance of an all-encompassing government. In 2005, Hurricane Katrina hit the coast of Louisiana, leaving death and destruction behind. Next was the 2009 “Meltdown,” creating millions of homeless people. Then, in 2014, the “Ultimate Blizzard” made it clear that mountainous regions are unfit for human habitation. So the first action taken by the WWC was to create a wildlife sanctuary stretching from what was the western border of Nevada to the eastern edge of Colorado. Major highways into the area had to be removed to ensure foolish people would not attempt to return to that hostile environment.Yet, there is a growing underground movement, centered in the Rocky Mountains, that wishes to throw away the security the world has enjoyed since 2016 and return to their archaic form of government. They call themselves “Washington’s Nation.” Beware my fellow world citizens, this group and their radical ideas only exist because the WWC has been unable to take away their guns. This is a lawless bunch! They have removed their personal GPS tracking chips. And when the WWC military attempted to fly into the region, their planes and helicopters were shot down with heat-seeking missiles. No one knows how the traitors obtained these weapons, but a full investigation is now under way.While the rest of the world gladly handed over their private weapons in exchange for protection by the world government, this primitive group of throwbacks still fiercely believes in the “right to bear arms.” They lack the proper education necessary to live in a world where nations no longer exist. Who would wish to return to a system of government under which people compete for the best occupations, or where entrepreneurs create products only to make a profit?But, in spite of endless attempts to provide these rebels with food, clothing and shelter in exchange for their weapons, they choose to live in isolation, often relying on primitive methods such as hunting or raising animals for food. These people also have a monetary system based on gold – the universal symbol of greed.I’ll admit the only new inventions since 2050 have been created by these “free thinkers.” However, I ask you, my fellow world citizens, are advances in technology more important than having all your needs provided by the state? Now, this same group of rebels is hacking into the Internet in an attempt to spread their message.I implore you: Do not listen to their propaganda! After all, freedom by its very nature does not provide security. And security is what humanity desires above all else. The WWC now takes care of our every need, from cradle to grave. People no longer have to compete for the best jobs, because after extensive testing we are placed in the occupation best suited to our abilities. And should we fail, food is still placed on our table because failure only matters when you’re living under the burden of a free society …NOTICE: “Washington’s Nation” has just seized this site. Throw off the shackles of security and join us. The only thing you will be given is the right to breathe the sweet air of freedom. Happy Fourth of July!This column does not necessarily represent the views of The New Falcon Herald.
