DUMBA Wal-Mart store in Alliance, Ohio, called police to report a man had wheeled an estimated $1,000 worth of merchandise out of the store without paying for it. When officers arrived, they chased after the suspect but lost him in the darkness. They searched 40 minutes before a frantic 911 call: “I’m in the back of a trash truck that keeps compacting me!” James Brienzo, 37, had apparently hidden from police in a trash dumpster, which was picked up minutes later. “He was pretty well compacted” by the time officers found the right truck, Police Chief Scott Griffith said. Brienzo was so intertwined with the 6-8 tons of trash that the truck had to dump its load to free him. He was hospitalized in critical condition. His arrest record filled 26 pages, including a previous arrest at the same Wal-Mart. (Canton Times-Reporter, WJW-TV)DUMBERA Boulder, Colo., man accused of the attempted murder of a Longmont police officer has had his day in court. Brandon Duke, 22, told investigators that he believed that Officer David Blake was a zombie. Blake was trying to arrest Duke on an outstanding warrant, and Duke fired several shots from a handgun at Blake in his attempts to get away, court records show. Duke testified that he had “blacked out” and couldn’t remember what happened, but thought he was being chased by a zombie and had fired only to protect himself. At his court appearance, where he addressed the judge simply with “yes, ma’am” and “no, ma’am,” Duke pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity.DUMBESTA Jefferson County, Ala., sheriff’s deputy was getting gas at a service station when the motorist at the next pump walked over and asked if there were any warrants out for his arrest. Sgt. Venita Edge said she would check and warned him that if there were, she would arrest him. Matthew Kinard, 27, handed over his driver’s license and told her about various prior arrests. Sure enough, the deputy found a warrant for Kinard on drug charges and made good on her promise. As she was taking him to jail, Kinard couldn’t help one more statement: “I am the stupidest criminal in the world.” (Birmingham News) …Well, who could argue with that?Source: www.thisistrue.com
