Last Christmas, grandpa was feeling his age and found that shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult. So he decided to send checks to everyone instead.In each card he wrote, “Buy your own present!” and mailed them early.He enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities, and it was only after the holiday that he noticed that he had received very few cards in return. Puzzled over this, he went into his study, intending to write a couple of his relatives and ask what had happened. It was then, as he cleared off his cluttered desk that he got his answer. Under a stack of papers, he was horrified to find the gift checks which he had forgotten to enclose in the cards.www.coolest-holiday-parties.com/funny-christmas-storiesContinuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having 12 days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 days of Chrismukkah, as the new holiday is being called.Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the Dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.Also, instead of translating to, “a great miracle happened there,” the message on the Dreidel will be the more generic, “miraculous stuff happens.” In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.One of the sticky points that held up the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.A spokesman for Christmas, Inc. declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Hanukkah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.”www.coolest-holiday-parties.com/funny-christmas-stories
