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Monkey Business

Monkey Business

Finally: a sensible reason for high gas prices – a lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there’s a very simple answer: Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. Our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California and Oklahoma. Our dipsticks are in Washington, DC (anonymous)They said what?We’re obviously going to spend a lot in marketing because the product sells itself. -Microsoft executive Jim Allchin, discussing a billion-dollar campaign to promote Windows XP (it sells itself).Women, You’ll love this:Men: Don’t get any ideas!From a 1955 Housekeeping Monthly magazineThe article “The good wife’s guide.”(The “The Good wife’s guide” is describing what a wife should do for her husband when he returns from work.)

  • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
  • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of this arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
  • Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
  • Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
  • Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
  • A good wife always knows her place.

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