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Monkey Business

Monkey Business

RESOLUTION, RESOLUTION, RESOLUTIONIn January, the El Paso County Board of Commissioners approved ANOTHER resolution naming Jan. 21 to Jan. 28 ìSanctity of Human Lifeî week in El Paso County. It seems the commissioners (minus Douglas Bruce) are always passing some kind of resolution that supports their agendas, which seemingly have nothing to do with county business. Commissioner Wayne Williams was the ìauthorî of this resolution.ìThe passing of this resolution means a great deal to me personally,î said Commissioner Wayne Williams.ì Since I was adopted myself, I feel that it is very important to work together to protect and care for those in need.î According to the news release, ìDuring Sanctity of Human Life week, the county commissioners encourage the public to be committed to respecting the life and dignity of every human being.îThank you county commissioners, also acting as our parents, our priests and our conscience.What about these resolutions:ìPlease donít eat that donutî week: We, the county commissioners, believe that you need to have some dignity about your public persona while respecting the fact that obesity contributes to the rising costs of health care.ìPlease donít drink beer during Super Bowl week:î We, the county commissioners, ask you to refrain from drinking beer during Super Bowl week because one of us has an Aunt Betty who is a recovering alcoholic.And should you not adhere to our recommendations, your penance or punishment: increased taxes.SNOWED UNDER BY HIS OWN WORDSWhen a blizzard closed Denver International Airport for the better part of three days, DIA spokesman Chuck Cannon said he would like to ìchoke the person who came upî with the term, ìall-weather airport.îThe person at the time also claimed that DIA would be able to operate as well in a blizzard as it does on a sunny day. A crafty reporter researched the person who made that statement in 1992: It was Chuck Cannon ñ now choking on his own words.www.thisistrue.comCHEAPSKATES IN LOUSIANAThe Monroe Chamber of Commerce apologized to Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco after auctioning off a dinner with the governor that would take place at the governor’s mansion. “This was not a reflection of the chamber or the business community’s attitude toward the governor,” said chamber president Sue Edmunds. It’s not that they didn’t have permission to do the auction as a fundraiser. The real problem: The bid only reached $1.www.thisistrue.com

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