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Monkey Business

Monkey Business

  • Walking through the hallways at our middle school, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, ìHow did you get yourself into this?î Knowing he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. ìAre you OK?î I asked.ìCan I help?î He lifted his head and replied, ìIíll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker.
  • During my first meeting with my physically challenged students, I assured them that most people are handicapped in some way. ìLook at me,î I said. ìMy eyes are so bad, I need to wear glasses. Because I can barely hear, I need a hearing aid. And look at my ears ó theyíre much bigger than they should be.î From the back, a boy added, ìAnd your nose, too.î
  • When our school librarian announced she was changing schools, my fellow teacher asked a student, ìWhy do you think Ms. Richardson is leaving?î The third grader opined, ìBecause sheís read all our books?î
  • A police car with flashing lights pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding. Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was. ìI think youíve paid your debt to society,î he concluded with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
  • Performing Mozart should have been the highlight of my middle school chorus class. But after a few uninspired attempts, an exasperated student raised her hand and said, ìMrs. Willis, we want to sing music from our generation, not yours.î
  • Donít do that,î I said when one of my first graders playfully draped a dollar bill over his eyes. ìMoney is full of germs.î ìIt is?î he asked. Yes, itís very dirty.î He thought about it a moment. ìIs that why they call people who have a lot of it ëfilthy richí?î
  • My sixth-grade class would not leave me alone for a second. It was a constant stream of ìMs. Osborn?î ìMs. Osborn?î ìMs. Osborn?î Fed up, I said firmly, ìDo you think we could go for just five minutes without anyone saying ëMs. Osborní?!î The classroom got quiet. Then, from the back, a soft voice said, ìUm Ö Cyndi?î

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