According to the American Cancer Society, in 2019, there were an estimated 1,762,450 new cancer cases and 606,880 cancer deaths in the U.S. Last year in Colorado alone, there were 26,800 new cases and 8,120 deaths.A 2017 CBS news poll showed that 54 percent of Americans say they have personally been diagnosed with cancer or they know someone who has.Lisa Bade, communications director for the American Cancer Society, said, ìWhen a friend or family member is facing a cancer diagnosis, the American Cancer Society can help patients and their caregivers with resources and information to help them during their cancer journey. The ACS is available anytime, 24/7 at†cancer.org†or 1-800-227-2345.îAlthough there is plenty of information out there for cancer survivors and their caregivers, friends and family members are often at a loss to know how to respond to someone who has cancer. When someone tells you he or she has cancer, what do you say? Or what donít you say?The following are things you donít say (from an article by cancercare.org).”Everything is going to be fine.”†The truth is, you don’t know that everything is going to be fine, and this comment can sound dismissive.”I know what you’re going through is difficult.”†On the surface, this sounds sympathetic, but donít try to put yourself in the person’s shoes, it diminishes what they are going through.”Well, at least you got a good kind of cancer.”†Is there really a “good” kind of cancer?”Maybe you should have exercised more/eaten more vegetables, etc.”†Comments like these and “How did you get it?” suspiciously sound like the person is to blame for the cancer diagnosis.Saying nothing:†This can be the worst of all responses. If you’re having trouble coping with a friend or family member’s diagnosis, better to tell the person and talk about it. That way, they feel like you are there for them. For example, use these phrases:îIím not sure what to say right now, but I want you to know I love you.”†This acknowledges that you feel awkward, but it lets the person know in a simple way that you care.Here are a few things to say.”We’re going to get through this together.”†This lets your friend or family member know you’re not going anywhere, and they can be counted on through all the ups and downs.”Count on me for dinners/picking up the kids/taking you to the doctor.î†Routine and daily tasks such as cooking meals, laundry and grocery shopping can be a lot to handle when someone is going through treatment. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer to do specific chores to help out.ìI would offer to do specific things for them like mowing, cleaning the house, babysitting the kids; things that take the load off and reduce stress,î said Ann McKeever, certified holistic cancer coach and medical massage practitioner ó and a cancer survivor. ìMeals are tricky because they might not feel well or they might be on a strict diet.îAnn Lindahl, a breast cancer survivor, said, ìI always appreciated the generosity I received when sick, but most cancer patients would prefer no sugar or candy items. It usually doesnít set well and itís bad for the immune system while trying to recover.îSuggestions from other cancer fighters and survivors:ìIf the cancer patient has children, please donít send your children over to play with them,î said Mindy Williams, ovarian cancer fighter.ìThe parent is exhausted from chemo and other treatments and doesnít need to be babysitting. If someone wants to visit, make sure he or she is healthy.Williams recalled a woman sitting nearby while she was receiving a transfusion treatment. She said there were several patients and companions in the immediate area, and one of them was coughing ó obviously ill. Williams offered to get her a mask, and the person replied, ìWell how am I going to keep drinking my coffee with a mask on.î Remember that people with cancer have compromised immune systems.Prayers are good, said Sharon Radspinner, breast cancer survivor. ìFor the cancer fighters themselves, surround yourself with positive family and friends.îOffering ideas for alternative treatments is not a good idea.ìI donít enjoy when people offer alternative treatments when I tell them Iím getting chemo/radiation for my cancer,î said Amy Fink, who has stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma. ìI hate when people tell me I should do natural remedies instead of what my doctor recommends.îEileen Fink, mother and caretaker of Amy, said, ìDonít forget about your friend who is taking care of a loved one with cancer. I would rather have someone say the wrong thing than nothing.îìI am a two-year cancer survivor,î said Leslie Sheley (author of this article).ìAbove all, be supportive, no horror stories; keep it positive and be there for them.î
