According to the National Institute of Mental Health, generalized anxiety disorders affect about 6.8 million American adults, with twice as many women suffering from them as men. I am one of that 6.8 million.ìAll of us worry about things like health, money, or family problems,î the NIMH website states. ìBut people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) are extremely worried about these and many other things, even when there is little or no reason to worry about them. They are very anxious about just getting through the day. They think things will always go badly. At times, worrying keeps people with GAD from doing everyday tasks.îFor someone who does not have an anxiety disorder, it is probably hard to understand why those of us with GAD cannot just ìsnap out of it.î Believe me, if I could, I would. I do not enjoy feeling paralyzed by worry and fear, so much so that I struggle at times to complete simple tasks and get through my day. I hate waking up at night with my thoughts racing about what I need to accomplish the next day and being unable to fall asleep because of that.I was first diagnosed in 2012; and, since then, have been working to deal with my anxiety. I am on medication that generally keeps things in check. But the truth is, it only does so much.†It has become a constant struggle to stay on top of my anxiety and fear. If I do not, it takes over. One of my worst episodes came when my mom had a heart attack in 2014. I was convinced that if I did not find a specific piece of jewelry she had given me, she would die. Totally unrealistic, I know. But that worry and fear was so strong and so real that I almost made myself sick thinking about it.Thankfully, my mom recovered, and I have been able to keep my worry in check more often than not. I do, however, wear a family tree necklace every day, just in case.But there are still times where my anxiety gets out of control and those days are awful. I sit down at my desk to work and my heart starts pounding, and I get sick to my stomach. I look at my ìTo Doî list ñ- which I have to have; otherwise, I worry that I am forgetting about something I need to do ñ- and the list becomes a crushing weight on my chest. I cannot see a place to begin or even fathom getting everything done.So, you know what I do at those times? Nothing. My anxiety paralyzes me. I sometimes call my husband to tell him how I am feeling. Sometimes I cry because I cannot imagine how everything will turn out OK. Many times, I write in my journal because it feels like emptying my head of all those fearful, negative thoughts finally clears out space for more productive thoughts to come in.Some days are worse than others, and I am learning just to be OK with that. It is not pleasant but it is real. This is my reality.If anyone is interested in learning more about anxiety, visit the NIMH website at https://nimh.nih.gov/
