Terry Stokka has lived in Black Forest for 29 years. He is president of the Friends of Black Forest, chairman of the Black Forest Land Use Committee and chairman of the Black Forest Water & Wells Committee.
Disclaimer: This column does not necessarily represent the views of The New Falcon Herald.
A very different article
By Terry Stokka
This article will be a departure from my usual column about land and water issues but I thought it would be fun to share my recent experience with the marriage of our first grandchild. The wedding was extra special because my grandson and his bride asked me to officiate the ceremony.
My wife and I worked with a Christian ministry at the U.S. Air Force Academy for 10 years where I was privileged to officiate at a number of cadet weddings so the experience was not new. However, the profound thought that this couple included my own grandson and his lovely bride made me ponder that deeply. At almost 78 years old, I am pondering more things these days and I am surprised at how many times I refer to people as elderly and then realize they are much younger than me. I am also getting more sentimental in my old age and tear up at more things these days.
I had written and thought through the ceremony a hundred times, even lying awake at night wondering if I should change this or that. My position as the officiant gives me the best seat in the house as I look into the eyes of these two young people and think about the significance of the event. I asked my grandson in the ceremony if he realized how profound it was that the bride’s father gave her to him at no cost—free! However, I soon followed that statement by saying that the father’s gift brought with it a major responsibility to take care of her as good or better than her parents.
In my effort to refer to my notes as little as possible, I pronounced them man and wife and asked them to turn and face the audience. I then introduced them to the audience, forgetting to let my grandson kiss his bride. The bride turned to me and simply said, “kiss.” I was mortified and quickly told my grandson he could kiss his bride and then introduced them to the audience. In all the weddings I have performed, I have never made a blunder that significant.
My grandson and wife are 21 and 22 years old and they are basically starting with nothing — no permanent job, not finished with college, a bare apartment with hardly any furniture and not much of a bank account. However, they are supremely happy and thrilled to be married. As the father says in Fiddler on the Roof, they are so happy they don’t realize how poor they are.
My wife, Artha, and I have mentored engaged couples through a program at our church for many years and we have worked with couples all the way from 20 to 62 years old. My grandson and wife are 21 and 22 years old and they are basically starting with nothing — no permanent job, not finished with college, a bare apartment with hardly any furniture and not much of a bank account. However, they are supremely happy and thrilled to be married. As the father says in “Fiddler on the Roof,” they are so happy they don’t realize how poor they are.
My wife and I have talked often of the differences when couples are married young or older. The conventional wisdom today is that a couple should have finished college, have a good job, house and bank account before they get married. That is why the average age for marriage today is 29 years old. There are many successful marriages at that age, but they have spent many years single and the adjustment to sharing a home with someone else is a major change that is often difficult. For the 21-year-olds, they are an open book and have not formed these habits of singleness so they must grow up together. Some of those marriages don’t work out either but it is our opinion that it is better to start off young and poor and then grow up together. I was married at 22 and my wife and I shared the experience of our first house, first job and building a family together. After four children and 12 grandchildren, I wouldn’t want it any other way. We are at the 55-year point in our marriage and it gets richer and more meaningful every day. I can’t imagine anything better than sharing life every day with the wonderful woman that God gave me. She came free and at no charge also, but I take seriously the responsibility to care for her, cherish her and protect her.
I don’t pretend to be an expert in this area and I have no college degree in marriage and family dynamics so I will make this disclaimer that this is only my opinion based on 77 years of life and 55 years of marriage. However, that should be worth something, shouldn’t it?
