Mark Stoller and his wife, Andra, moved to Falcon with their family in 2007. Both are U.S. Air Force veterans and enjoy life with their daughters, extended family and adopted rescue dogs in Latigo. Mark is fortunate to have his wife and daughters as his muse for topics, people to meet and places to investigate.
Life changes and relationships: Part 2
By Mark Stoller
In last month’s column, I focused on women experiencing perimenopause, its physiological and emotional effects on them and the resulting potential to cause divorce in couples over the age of 50.
It’s important to note that men face a similar change that negatively affects their health and life satisfaction over the age of 50 as well.
This decline in men is called Andropause. It is linked to the gradual, yet steady loss of testosterone from a man’s body.
According to the American College of Physicians, a man’s testosterone level begins to drop in his mid-30s and continues to fall at an average rate of 1.6% a year. A study published in the journal, “Virulence,” in 2016 calculated that by age 75, a typical man will have lost about 30% of the testosterone he had at 25.
Testosterone plays roles in sexual function, bone health, fat metabolism, muscle mass and strength.
Low testosterone is sometimes referred to as hypogonadism, and andropause can also be referred to as age-related hypogonadism. By itself, low testosterone without symptoms is not a cause for concern, says Dr. Nannan Thirumavalavan, chief of male reproductive and sexual health at the Urology Institute of University Hospitals in Cleveland. There’s no “perfect answer” for how to distinguish between normal age-related decline and a more serious problem.
I realize I painted a bleak picture in last month’s column discussing perimenopause and seemingly accused women of being the harbinger of late-life divorce.
The truth of the matter is that numerous married couples unfortunately fall out of love over time. Both men and women are accountable for their actions/inactions that lead to relationship disintegration and failure.
Many married couples, however, do survive these life changes in their committed relationships. Thus, they make it to the “… until death do us part” section of their vows.
John Sanei, keynote speaker, author and podcast cohost on The Expansive, talked about a recent study of couples in long-term, committed relationships. On average, the interviewed couples were in intimate relationships for about 21 years and still “…very much in love.” The focus was to understand how couples kept and sustained their long-term relationship.
The study results indicated there is a practical system anyone can put into place to make their relationships last:
- Be physically connected. This is the everyday physical connection of holding hands/touching during routine parts of the day and includes consistent physical bedroom intimacy.
- Positive visions of each other: Focus on the good aspects of your partner. Criticizing the negatives is all too easy for everyone. Instead, train your brain to see and recognize the good contributions and attributes your partner adds to the relationship.
- Plan and go on unique experiences together so that you create future memories. You will connect with each other over your stories and memories of your life together.
- Verbalize at least two to three good things about your partner to them daily. Affirmations create a positive, uplifting focus on one another.
We have a choice of whether to work hard to nurture our relationships or let them fail. As I tell my daughters, relationships are 100-100 not 50-50 when it comes to effort.
If you are in a long-term relationship, communication is key to maintaining and improving the condition of your bond. If you feel as though you are being taken for granted or not loved the way you need — speak that truth to your partner.
I’ll close with a quote from Edward Everett Hale, “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”
