Mark Stoller and his wife, Andra, moved to Falcon with their family in 2007. Both are U.S. Air Force veterans and enjoy life with their daughters, extended family and adopted rescue dogs in Latigo. Mark is fortunate to have his wife and daughters as his muse for topics, people to meet and places to investigate.
Life changes
By Mark Stoller
If you own a smartphone, you should know that it’s always listening to you. Have you ever talked about a certain topic only to have that very same topic appear as an advertisement in your e-mail or a post on your social media account?
Journalists from 404 Media recently found evidence that Amazon and Google do listen in on everything. Their report focuses on the Cox Media Group (CMG), which offers a technology called “Active Listening.”
This is a tool that records and analyzes all conversations picked up by smartphone microphones and converts them into advertising suggestions. CMG advertises that this service has already worked with Facebook, Amazon, Google and Microsoft. The technology includes microphones on smartphones and other smart devices like TVs and speakers.
I mention this because I was talking about perimenopause with Andra, my wife. That day, my social media news feed filled with video posts of women lamenting the effects of perimenopause on their bodies, marriages and overall lives.
Gents, we’ve all heard the word, but let me break down the particulars that make up the season of perimenopause.
For women, eggs are the estrogen machine. While they start life with nearly six million eggs in their bodies, they hit their 50’ish-year-old self with only 100 eggs left. Women can endure up to 20 years of a low estrogen/hormonal change roller coaster resulting in brain fog, weight gain, night sweats, joint pain, food aversion, loss of joy, loss of libido, loss of self, anxiety and depression. The woman’s brain must recalibrate to this change in hormone levels.
Quite honestly, no one teaches men or women what to expect during this transitional timeframe. Women realize there’s a ton of disconcerting change to which they have no control. Men realize their cheerleader is now their most vocal critic and they face a great deal of rejection across many fronts.
One Instagram post went as far as to suggest perimenopause is the cause for 46% of divorces in couples over the age of 50.
Now that’s a claim that caught my attention and needed to be investigated.
Evidently, that person is very wrong in their assertion.
Research from the UK-based, Family Law Menopause Project, suggests that around 80% of women with relationship issues say that menopause or perimenopause symptoms negatively influence their marriages.
Of those respondents, 70% of the women surveyed cited menopause as the main cause of their divorce or relationship breakdowns.
Generations before us married until death do they part. Today’s generations will divorce at the drop of a hat if marriage is hard work and not fun.
Here is some helpful advice from Ward Family Law:
The physical, emotional, and behavioral changes of perimenopause can create a challenge for any relationship. It’s important for couples to recognize the potential impact of this transition on their marriage rather than inaccurately casting blame or doubt on one another. Marriage is hard. Perimenopause is hard. This time in life offers an opportunity for personal and relational growth, whether that be together or apart.
Focus on open communication. Honest but compassionate conversations with your spouse about the changes associated with perimenopause. It’s important for both partners to feel that they are being heard and validated.
Build knowledge to increase understanding. Educating yourself and your spouse about perimenopause can reduce misunderstandings and miscommunications.
Prioritize self-care. Everyone can benefit from making their own health and well-being a priority.
The No. 1 cause of divorce is lack of communication. When married couples can talk about the physical and emotional changes they’re encountering and listen to each other with empathy and understanding, they can often work through their issues together.
