Uncle Bob lends a handI spent my first Thanksgiving with my husband in his Irish-Italian neighborhood in New York City. As a newcomer, I was placed in charge of boiling 15 pounds of potatoes. When they were ready, I picked up the pan and surveyed the crowded kitchen for a sink in which to drain them. My husbandís elderly uncle Bob guided me to a small half-bathroom and grabbed the steaming pot. He started to drain the potatoes into the toilet, but he lost his grip on the lid and all the potatoes tumbled in! I screamed, ìOh no!î But Uncle Bob began fishing the potatoes out of the toilet. ìNo one will ever know,î he whispered. ìNow just go out there and mash them.îSometime later, during the meal, my husbandís Aunt Tot leaned over and whispered, ìYour potatoes are delicious. I think you are going to fit into this family quite nicely.îRobin McCutchan in†Oxford, Ohio99% PureMy girlfriend, brought up by her mother and live-in grandmother, never learned anything about cooking. But, with a cookbook and a lot of confidence, she decided to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the entire family. After reading the directions about cleaning and stuffing the bird, she went ahead and did so, then put it into the oven. After a few hours, she checked on the bird and found it foaming all over the oven. She had cleaned it with Ivory soap.Kathy Tarmasewica in†Westminster, MassachusettsCold TurkeyWhen Ken and Lydia were given a turkey to raise for Thanksgiving, Lydia took on the responsibility with enthusiasm. She fed it, talked to it, and, far ahead of time, invited both sets of parents to the big dinner. As the days drew closer to the holiday, Lydia wasnít as enthusiastic. On the day before the big feast, Lydia burst into tears and told Ken, ìI canít do it.î Ken promised to take care of everything. He went outside, and after a short while, returned with a limp turkey under his arm, and the smell of chloroform. Putting the bird in the refrigerator, he suggested they go to bed and deal with dinner preparations in the morning.The next day, Lydia woke early and went into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator door and out flapped the turkey. Her screams brought Ken rushing down to find his wife on the floor in a dead faint and the turkey tottering unsteadily around the room. When Lydia came to, Ken had put the turkey out in the yard, where it lived out its life free from stress and fear of extinction. As for the couple, they decided to go out to eat. No one ordered turkey.Margaret Reinhart in Tucson, Arizona
