Bullying is defined as one or more students seeking to have power over another student through the use of ongoing verbal, physical or emotional harassment, intimidation or isolation, according to an article posted Nov. 18, 2013, on the website education.com. However, the article also addresses the differences between bullying and a typical conflict involving students.ìConflict between two students involves a disagreement between two equals. Bullying is one-sided and unfair. Whereas most conflicts between students may be resolved without outside intervention; outside intervention is usually necessary to decrease bullying incidents.îA counselor from a school district in Colorado Springs who wished to remain anonymous because of her position said there is a key difference between typical age-appropriate behavior and bullying. ìBullying is a very specific set of traits,î she said. ìThe kid that is targeted is less powerful. The bully is always targeting the same kid. The bullying happens over and over. I think that educating people about the difference (between bullying and normal behavior) is key. I definitely think people are very quick to call any type of teasing bullying. The word is used too often and in the wrong context.îThe counselor said part of her job is to get all the facts before she takes action in a potential bullying situation. ìI have to think about whatís really happening, the purpose and the intent behind it,î she said. ìIs the kid doing it because they donít know how to make friends, or are they doing it to be mean? I get witnesses and find out what happened and try to get as much of the full story as I can before I take any action. I feel like without all the background information, you canít accurately make that decision.îAge is a big factor in determining normal kid behavior versus bullying.ìYoung children are very egocentric,î said Raye Lynne Dippel, a child and adolescent clinical psychologist in Colorado Springs. ìThey have a difficult time empathizing with other children, and what they say might hurt someone else. Theyíre more impulse-driven and donít think about what theyíre going to say, what impact that might have and what consequences there may be.îElementary school-age children often donít have the verbal communication skills to deal with conflict appropriately so some behaviors may appear to be bullying when they arenít, Dippel said. ìOftentimes, a conflict doesnít get resolved,î she said. ìParents and teachers, especially teachers ó I think itís important that they do intervene and help children come to a resolution that helps both children. On the one hand, children need to learn to work it out; but sometimes they need someone to help them do that. You can let the kids come to a resolution but have an adult there that can help that process.îTeaching children how to resolve conflict is an important part of parenting, Dippel said. It builds the childís self-esteem and ability to have empathy for others. Parents often feed into the idea that their child is being bullied rather than teaching them those important skills, she said. ìI see a lot of children in my practice who are pretty devastated by what has happened at school,î Dippel said.ìI see parents getting so concerned about it that they feel it (conflict) is a terrible thing thatís happened and they feed into it. Itís not a terrible thing; itís a normal thing.ìYou canít fuel their belief that the world is a wicked, dangerous place. Itís a normal place and these are just things we have to learn how to deal with and cope with . . . in general, because our children have been hurt, itís not a reason to panic. Learning how to resolve conflict, build self-esteem, secure their position in the community and school and with classmates are just as important as how to read and write. We canít just teach academics; we have to teach social skills.îThe counselor added that teaching kids how to determine normal conflict from bullying is important. ìWe acknowledge that it (conflict) may not be fun but it may not be bullying, either,î she said.A big challenge to battling defined bullying behavior is parents who donít get on board with fixing the problem, the counselor said. ìOftentimes, Iíll hear that they donít have time or that their child isnít at fault,î she said. ìItís a big learning process for everyone. You have to teach the parents how to handle it at home.îìWhen it comes to recognizing bullying behavior; unfortunately, a lot of the responsibility relies on the schools to talk to the parents and get them involved, just because theyíre more likely to see it while the kids are all in school together,î said Mallory Lockhart, a D 49 parent. ìThen itís up to the parents to teach them how to deal with those situations. I think the more places that kids can hear it and in different ways, the easier itís going to be for them to understand what it means.ìAs a parent, if you know your kid is a bully or being bullied, you need to support the school in dealing with it. They (kids) are in that school setting and around other people day in and day out. I feel that I need to find ways to communicate with my kid either to discipline them or encourage them not to act in those behaviors.îThe counselor, Dippel and Lockhart all agreed that bullying needs to be taken seriously and the only way to effectively deal with it is through a cooperative effort involving students, teachers and parents.
