Monkey Business

Monkey Business

CHOOSE THE RIGHT BANKA man in Anaheim, Calif., tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. WHAT? Another California robber ran into his mother while making his getaway. She turned him in. Motherís Day was lean that year.NO GUN, JUDGE, BUT I HAVE COCAINEChristopher Jansen, on trial for drug possession in March in Pontiac, Mich., said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said a warrant wasnít necessary because a ìbulgeî in Jansenís jacket revealed that he may have been carrying a gun. Jansen said he didnít have a gun in his jacket. Actually, he said he was wearing the same jacket as he stood before the judge. So, he took his jacket off and handed it to the judge, who discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket. This makes no sense all the way around.OOPS!Dennis Newton, age 47, was on trial in Oklahoma City for the armed robbery of a convenience store. He fired his attorney and decided to defend himself. Larry Jones, assistant district attorney, said Newton was doing OK with his defense until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up and accused the woman of lying, and then he said, ìI should of blown your (@#$!#&$) head off.î Realizing what he had just said, he quickly said, ìIf Iíd been the one that was there. The jury convicted Newton after 20 minutes of deliberation, and they recommended a 30-year sentence. Heíll have plenty of time to study the law in jail.

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