If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much. – Jacqueline Kennedy OnassisItís an exclusive club ñ women only ñ with about 82 million members in the United States. The secret handshake is a tired hand swept across the brow at the end of the day; the password is ìmommy.î The mission to instill values, traditions and expectations in their family vary as much as the membersí backgrounds, but the complexities of nurturing a human being from infancy to adulthood is the common thread that unites its members.As Motherís Day approaches, the invaluable contributions and sacrifices of this exclusive club of women is honored. Their sense of passion and conviction is noted.ìMothering is the hardest, yet most rewarding job I have ever had or ever will have,î said Mary Taylor, mother of two girls, age 3 and 5. ìWe are molding and building lives. They will be the leaders for the next generation.îTaylor is the coordinator for Mothers of Preschoolers for the Falcon area. The 35 MOPS members have children from birth to age 5.Taylor said there are definitely challenges to mothering, but the rewards abound. Finding time to clean the house and limiting activities to avoid over committing family time are the challenges. ìI try to focus on the most important things,î she said. ìThe dishes can wait. Whatís important is to nurture and love your child.îTaylor said all mothers have challenges, no matter if they stay at home with their children, work outside the home or do something in between. She said stay-at-home mothers are with their kids all day every day, while working moms go to a job all day and then come home and take care of their kidsí needs.ìFinding a balance is hard either way,î she said.Mothering is different now than when she grew up, she added, because mothers are more involved now with their childrenís activities than previous generations.Taylor said she encourages mothers to get involved with a support group of mothers to talk about the joys and struggles of motherhood.ìThe best part of being a mom is just being able to enjoy my children,î she said.Stacy Mouat, mom to four boys, ages 12, 11, 7 and 4, also considers time spent with her children as a blessing. ìThe best part of being a mom is the tender little moments when they give you a kiss or a hug ñ the spontaneous moments that are unprompted,î she said.Juggling the family schedule and giving each child the individual attention they crave are Mouatís challenges, which she said are issues intensified by an unspoken competitive attitude among some moms. ìA lot of parents want their kids to be involved in all kinds of activities, and they donít get a chance just to be a kid,î she added.Mouat said childhood innocence is compromised at a younger age today than previous generations partially because of television, advertising and peer pressure. ìHolding on to their innocence longer is harder in this culture,î she said. ìKids are expected to grow up a little too fast.îShe said itís best to not coddle the children but let them make mistakes. Although it is difficult to watch them fail, Mouat said it is a disservice to children to be sheltered from negative experiences that may help them handle adversity. ìIt is hard to watch them fail, but also rewarding when they pick themselves up again and keep persevering,î she said.Mouat said she advises other moms to pick their battles and maintain realistic expectations about things like their childís hairstyles and clothes. ìWhen I had my first child, everything seemed so important, but the longer I have been a mom the more relaxed I am about things,î she added.Remaining relaxed when faced with challenges is not easy, but sharing experiences with other moms in similar situations is helpful.Colorado Springs Mothers & More is an organization dedicated to improving the lives of mothers through support, education and advocacy, said Alison McMillan, co-leader of the group. Their goal is accomplished by moms spending time together and building connections in the community, she said.Mothers & More, a national nonprofit organization founded in 1987, gives moms the opportunity to get together to talk and relax, without pressure or judgment from others.ìThe focus is the mother,î said McMillan, mother of a 3 Ω-year-old boy and 2 Ω-year-old girl.She said one reward of motherhood is the opportunity to ìsee them enjoy life and discover things for the first time, like swinging, sliding, swimming and playing in the dirt.îMcMillan agrees there are challenges. ìThe challenge is finding a balance and making quality time with my family, while keeping an identity as an individual,î she said.A sense of identity can be discovered at any stage of life.Kristina Sparks was married 10 years before she had children. ìWe are approaching our 20th anniversary and still have a 2-year-old in diapers,î said Sparks, who also has a 9-year-old son. ìOur lifeís a little different.îHowever, she echoed the others sentiments that the best part of motherhood is being able to love and care for somebody else.ìIt was fine when we didnít have kids, but it didnít feel the same,î Sparks said. ìSomething was missing. To share our lives with somebody else is a wonderful thing. Itís what I always wanted it to be.îA lack of sleep and expectations from others are her greatest challenges. ìPeople put incredible expectations on moms,î she said. ìThey think we should be able to do everything ñ have a career, mother our children, be involved with school and outside activities.îTo avoid the guilt, she tries to keep the societal pressures from dictating her decisions and goals.ìMotherhood is so devalued. We are blamed for everything that goes wrong, and if the mother feels devalued or less important, that makes her less effective in parenting,î Sparks said.She said families are challenged today by the available distractions kids encounter – video games, television and a plethora of extracurricular activities. ìAll of these can take away from the basics, like education and creative play,î she said.Part of the problem, Sparks said, is that previous generations had a greater sense of community. ìThere was more help then. People were more aware of otherís needs. Now they close the garage door and stay at home.îThe challenges and rewards vary, but the underlining goal is widespread. ìBe confident, relax, trust your own judgment,î Sparks said.McMillan agrees. ìAs long as you are confident in your decision you will be okay.î
